Monday, July 24, 2017

I am Jealous of Jared Kushner and His Hairless Baby Face

Just look at that face. 

Does this look like the face of a 39-year-old-who-looks-like-a-14-year-old and who was dumb and bold enough to collude with Russia to steal a presidential election in order to "make deals" and end up in federal prison like his daddy? 

That I couldn't tell you.

What I CAN tell you is that I am green with envy over Jared Kushner's baby-bottom smooth face and chin dimple. Just look at that perfect skin with not one single whisker poking out of it!

There is not a doubt in my mind that I could grow a full moustache and beard before Jared Kushner ever could. If I added up all the time I spent lo these many years plucking and tweezing and waxing and squeezing just so I never went out in public with any visible hairs sticking out of my face, I guarantee you it would be longer than Jared Kushner spent ineptly planning the downfall of American democracy in service of his insatiable, hereditary greed.

When I look in the mirror at 5:00 p.m. each day, I think first of Richard "Tricky Dick" Nixon, the last American King to be dethroned in a criminal debacle of his own making, and who was famous for his five o'clock shadow.

Not Jared though! 

Whatever the FBI ultimately concludes Jared Kushner's role was in the Trumpian tragi-comedy of errors presently unfolding on the world stage, one thing is certain. He did it without a single hair on his face.


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