Monday, February 27, 2017

This Tweet from Tomi Lahren's Lip Gloss Hole is the Dumb AF Analogy We All Need Right Now

Look, I'm the last person to defend celebrities or celebrity culture (especially the always-painful and melodramatic awards shows), and I send them to the burn unit on this blog every chance I get.

Celebrity culture is undeniably vapid, materialistic, and generally devoid of serious thinking or thinkers. In other words, it's fun to read about on a rack in an airport Hudson News, and irresistably fun to drag.

So for once, I see eye to eye with Tomi Lahren on something. Where the bottle-blonde, far-right "provacateuse" and I part ways, however, is in the logical underpinnings of this here tweet, which is a straight up 140-character series of unfortunate events:


Let's break this down for a sec, shall we?

Tomi's central conceit, ostensibly, is that the Hollywood "elite" who oppose Lord Dampnut's immigration ban are hypocrites, because they are simultaneously attending private after-parties with tight security and guest lists.

In order to imbue this analogy with even one iota of meaning, you have to endorse the idea that the United States of America is akin to a private after-party at the Beverly Hills Hotel, and that anyone who isn't on the "guest list" is a terrorist who should be bounced at the "door" by armed guards.

You also have to accept a different definition of "ironic" than this:

There is nothing about the fancy Hollywood after-parties Tomi describes that is happening in an opposite way from what is expected, and I doubt they're even amusing. Indeed, they are likely precisely as insufferable as expected.

Again, I think the word Tomi's really grasping for is "hypocritical," but even that requires some mental gymnastics to embrace.

That's because Tomi's analogy ignores a fundamental difference between the public and the private sectors, a distinction that most adherents to Tomi's principles have long struggled to grasp.

The United States is not an expensive nightclub party with an exclusive guest list of Aryans like Richard Spencer, Steve Bannon, and Tomi Lahren--much as they would like it to be, and certainly not for their lack of trying.

It's a nation of laws--and of immigrants--with a formidable governing constitution and centuries of established jurisprudence interpreting it, all of which Tomi would be well-served to review by watching a few episodes of School House Rock on Netflix.

Ridiculous and vacuous as celebrities might be, there is nothing "ironic" or even hypocritical when, on the one hand, they pressure the government to enact and enforce humane immigration measures, and, on the other, attend an exclusive private party with their colleagues immediately afterwards.

In short, it's a false equivalency that falls apart the moment you give it a nanosecond of thought, it is dumb as aaaalllll the fucks, and thus, those of us who care about humane immigration and refugee policy should take heart in its utter stupidity.

Still, reading tweets like this makes me want to rub this eczema eye cream in my eyeballs, because the initials are apt:

Tell you what, Tomi. I'll use this FML cream because FML. And you can breathe through a ventilator the next time you get your hairs did, because the fumes are stunting your vocabulary and killing your frontal lobe brain cells.

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