Thursday, February 2, 2017

I'm Just a Girl, Standing in Front of a Bowl of Chicken Pad Thai

Okay, fine. I'm not a girl. I'm almost 40 years-old, so that's not really accurate. Also I'm not standing, even though I have a standing desk and should stand more. I'm sitting. So let me rephrase:

I'm just a woman, sitting in front of a man. And by a "man," I mean, "a bowl of chicken Pad Thai bigger than my head," asking a zillion people to love me, and by "love me" I mean "read the last blog post I wrote about Frederick Douglass's fake Twitter account," which never actually existed (or at least not by my hand), but which I just made up in a blog post format last evening, and which has now somehow accumulated almost 2M reads around the confusing patchwork of computers that our late, great, senator Ted Stevens (R-AK) once called "a series of tubes."

(Side note: "A Series of Tubes" is also the name of the stoner flick mini-series screenplay I am work-shopping).

This is a good opportunity to revisit and explain both to myself and my readers why I write this blog: for my own therapy and sanity, but also other people's therapy and sanity. Life is not easy, even when it is. Being a mom isn't easy. Being a woman isn't easy. And being a patriotic American right now, frankly, is not easy either.

I am absolutely over the moon about the traffic my blog is getting today, and not just because of my own ego. Sure there's that. I mean, OF COURSE THERE IS THAT. My own ego is VERY FRAGILE and must be stoked/stroked at all times with great care, like a rare breed of chinchilla who is being mated and bred for its fur. 

I share that much in common with our Sentient Cheeto Overlord.

But the main reason I am over the moon is because something I wrote resonated with people and made them feel something (in this case happiness? wry sadness? vague irritation? hopefully just happiness?). 

Now that we are all under the firm rule of Spray-Tanned Pumpkinhead's steady, pussy-grabbing hand, all of us could use a few laughs.

Thank you for reading, and I will be back tomorrow after I catch up from this whirlwind response to fake @realFrederickDouglass.


  1. Your Frederick Douglass tweets post was amazing!!!

  2. You are my new hero. Great job! Laughed my ass off. Resist!

  3. Sentient Cheeto Overlord.

    Kills me. Every time.

  4. You had me @realFrederickDouglass!!
    Thanks for the much needed laugh. Please don't let Fred die off (again) too quickly...I'm holding out hope that he has more to say (please!)

  5. Thanks for satire. Much needed in these dark times. :)

  6. I can't believe there's only 6 comments with over 2M reads of your ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS POST of Frederick Douglass tweets. I'm sharing it everywhere. You, girl have made us laugh at a time when it ain't easy. I think I love you, but don't tell my husband.

  7. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. I need all the laughs I can get.

  8. I said it before and I'll say it again -- you are a brilliant comedic talent. SNL would be lucky to have you!

    1. Y, I've said the same myself. I hope Libby makes the stage someday. I'm amazed by her ability to do what she does while having two jobs - kids/family and work - when all I can do is a few sentences.


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