'Member when "#" was the pound sign on the beige plastic phone on your kitchen wall, "hash" was a type of corned beef, and "tag" was just a game you played outside with no helmets until your mom told you to come in for dinner?
'Member when the second "T" in "Throwback Thursday" really stood for something? Specifically plain, simple, regular Thursday? And there was no "throwback?" 'Member how Thursday was just a day of the week, namely the day after Wednesday and the day before Friday, instead of a viral hashtag on social media that prompted everyone to take pictures of pictures and upload them to Facebook and Instagram? 'Member when pictures were printed Polaroids of relatives in photo albums with penned-on captions instead of filtered cats and sushi on a smart phone?
'Member when everyone at school had Trapper Keepers and pencil cases and the biggest thing in the news was the Challenger explosion and the giant red birthmark on Mikhail Gorbachev's bald head?
'Member learning card catalogs and the Dewey Decimal system? 'Member when you had to look up words in a dictionary and an encyclopedia and it took an hour instead of five seconds on the Internet? 'Member when you got a busy signal? 'Member when you had to pass actual notes in class instead of texting back and forth?
'Member when bologna on white bread with yellow mustard and red Kool Aid in a thermos was a normal lunch? 'Member how the animatronic Kool Aid Pitcher ran through a brick wall in that one commercial? 'Member Alex P. Keaton? 'Member when everyone made lots of money on Wall Street and snorted coke at parties? 'Member the Moonwalk, the Macarena, and O.J. Simpson?
'Member Menudo, Poison, and Nirvana? 'Member Jake from Sixteen Candles? 'Member VCR's, mix tapes, and dubbing? 'Member Punky Brewster and how the old guy who adopted her oddly didn't seem like a pedophile? 'Member Cabbage Patch Kids and Polly-O String Cheese? 'Member Atari? 'Member when McDonalds and Monsanto were poisoning us and we were in blissful ignorance of it?
'Member smoking in hospitals? 'Member wood-paneled station wagons with no seat belts? 'Member Ralph Nader before he went into politics? 'Member leg warmers, side pony-tails, and Fame? 'Member Melanie Griffith in Working Girl? 'Member those "Coed Naked [BLANK]" T-shirts?
'Member Italian ices (not ISIS) from the ice cream truck with the little wooden paddle spoon and the syrupy goop on the bottom? 'Member Jolt Cola and Clear Pepsi? 'Member "Hands Across America?" 'Member Live Aid? 'Member Further Fest? 'Member Phish tour? 'Member meeting people right at the gate in the airport? 'Member when everyone thought you could get AIDS from a toothbrush?
'Member how every single generation tries to 'member stuff that happened 30 years ago? 'Member how in the '80s and '90's everyone was 'membering sock hops and doo-wop music from the '50s and Jim Morrison and the Doors from the '60s? '
'Member when South Park hilariously lampooned the ridiculous and sort of sadly pathetic and counter-productive phenomenon of 'membering during its current season featuring 'member berries?
'Member when I was in diapers, my mom had 89% more collagen in her face, and this was considered an acceptable pattern for a couch? God, life was so much simpler then. Maybe instead of #TBT we need #MBM, 'Member Berry Monday?
Make Monday #MBM and Make #TBT Plain Old Thursday Again!