Friday, February 2, 2018

PSA: I’m Done Doing Dudes’ Homework for Them

I'm basically incompetent and will definitely die in the first wave of the Zombie Apocalypse, a fact that I'm 100% okay with because frankly I don't want to live to see the Last Stand. 

No doubt about it, you do not want me on your End Times team.

I'm bad at driving stick, shooting guns, changing tires, and I'm even rusty with making meals since Geoff does all of the shopping and cooking. I'm a pretty terrible seamstress, too. I can muddle my way through these things, but I suck at all of them and I've never pretended otherwise.

But one thing I've always been pretty good at was school. 

I spent 20 years of my life there, and without exception, every person who ever asked for my notes like he was entitled to them, tried to copy my homework, cheated off of me, falsely accused me of plagiarism, and/or tried to get me to do their job for them--was a dude. 

I'm not saying this is true for all women or that girls don't cheat off boys too. This is simply my personal experience.

This last part--dudes trying to make me do their jobs for them--continued well into my professional life as well. I remember once opposing counsel in a case essentially asked me to do his client's legal research for him. I asked him to whom I should bill this work and where to send the invoice. That shut him right down.

Again, this has rarely if ever happened to me with women, and I got to wondering last night if that was a coincidence. 

Two old white men (well over 60, it appears) with time on their hands came after me on Facebook for something I'd written. As usual, instead of engaging with the substance of my writing, they called it crap, called me names, and all-around delighted in trolling me. 

Side note: I have never spontaneously called a reader or private citizen on the internet a name. 


One of these dudes laughably accused me of hiding my identity on my blog out of cowardice, so I told him to Google it. It's not a secret. My blog has been written up in every local newspaper. After some prodding, he finally did, saying he "didn't want to take the time." (Surprise!)

A woman then defended his attack on my writing, skipping over the fact that he had not actually attacked my writing at all--but rather had attacked me personally. She didn't even register this, it seemed.

I made this guy "take the time" to use Google rather than take two seconds to answer his question myself because I am done doing mens' homework for them. 

I haven't been in school for a long time, but I am 100% over helping men take shortcuts or get ahead or amass ammunition against me and my ideas and interests on the back of MY fucking intellectual labor. 

I REALLY wish I could remember who on Twitter said this, but when the whole Hollywood sexual assault scandal was unraveling, a Black woman author tweeted something along the lines of:  "you know how you're all mourning the loss of these mens' artistic genius? Here's a secret: a lot of what you think of as their "genius" is actually the result of the intellectual labor of women whose names you don't know."

I knew EXACTLY what she meant.

I am 40 years old and I am EXTREMELY done accepting homework assignments from men who are either too dumb, too lazy, or both to do themselves. 

So to all of the men who have ever tried to beg, borrow, or steal from my work or my time, good luck, and God speed.

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