Sunday, February 7, 2016

Honest Facebook Relationship Statuses

Forget "single," "married," "divorced," "in a relationship," and "it's complicated." 

Human relationships are way more complicated than "it's complicated," and since most humans waste way too much time on social media, it's high time the available relationship status options reflect reality. 

Here are some more accurate Facebook relationship statuses:

"Waiting for a text back"
"Sobbing into pillow"
"Impulsively deleting from contacts"
"Starting to sympathize with Lorena Bobbit"
"Trying to cheat"
"Trying not to cheat"
"Trying to get caught cheating"
"Trying not to get caught cheating"
"Fifty Shades of Grey"
"Recently ghosted"
"Currently ghosting"
"Surfing profiles"
"Swiping right"
"Swiping left"
"Out of the game"
"In the game"
"On the bench"
"Bored and neglected"
"Smashing things"
"Unrequited love"
"FB-stalking high school/college ex"
"Custody battle"
"Celebate not by choice"
"Hello from the other siiiiiide"
"Thinking of switching teams"
"Mom's basement"
"Generalized ennui"
"Blind rage"
"Blind devotion"
"All the single ladies"
"Enraged by other person's socks"

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