Thursday, February 4, 2016

The Adult Convo Fail

Have you ever tried to have an adult conversation with your spouse or partner about the sinking nonprofit known as your household in the presence of your child or children? Let me rephrase that question as a decision tree: Are you married or cohabiting? If yes, do you have kids? If yes, do you ever try to discuss boring life logistics in front of your kids? If yes, do you ever succeed? If yes, are you superhuman?

You must be, because I've never once had a normal adult conversation with Geoff without being constantly interrupted. It’s as if Paige and Isaac sense the urgent need for us to resolve something annoying in the five minutes we're in a room together (or more frequently, a vehicle), and they are determined to sabotage it. 

Here’s how a typical conversation like this goes.

Geoff: So am I supposed to pick you up from work before or after swim—
Paige: I don’t want to go to swimming today!
Isaac: When am I going to take swimming lessons again?
Geoff: Hang on you guys. I need to talk to mom about something for a second. Also, don’t forget, I need to send in that check for—
Me: Yeah, the life insurance premium, I have that email, but I also thought we decided--
Paige: What’s life insurance?
Isaac: Are you going to die soon?
Me: Ahh! No! Just let me finish telling dad this one thing, OK?
Paige: OK, but first I need to tell you something really funny that Jake did at school. He told the teacher he had to go to the bathroom but then he actually . . .
Geoff: PAIGE. One SECOND. As I was saying, I have a board meeting next Wednesday and we need to get cash for the babysitter, speaking of which--
Isaac: Who’s babysitting us?
Paige: Yeah, who’s babysitting us? When? Can we watch a movie when she’s here?
Me: You GUYS. STOP INTERRUPTING. You’re not letting us figure out a single—
Isaac: [Singing] LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA
Geoff: That’s really obnoxious. You need to wait your turn. So anyway, as I was saying, I have a board meeting and we need to FaceTime my parents tonight so that--
Paige: Ooh ooh, can I FaceTime someone right now? Can I come to the meeting? Will there be pizza?
Isaac: Me too? Where’s the iPad? I want to FaceTime someone. Can we have pizza for dinner?
Me: YOU GUYS STOP INTERRUPTING!!! Sorry, Geoff. What were you saying?
Geoff: Forget it.

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