Thursday, June 2, 2016

Overgrown Frat Boy to Attend Rich Bigot Prom With Fascist Roasted Cantaloupe


There's something in my eyeeeeeeeee! 

Overgrown frat boy and Speaker of the House Paul Ryan announced that he's finally accepted Fascist Roasted Cantaloupe Donald Trump's invitation to join him at the Rich Bigot Prom this summer in Ohio, where the latter is poised to accept his party's endorsement as the country's next Batshit Crazy White Supremacist in Chief.

The announcement/acquiescence comes on the heels of much hemming and hawing on the part of the Delta Tau Delta alum, who has needed multiple "conversations" and "assurances" with and from the tender orange fruit before he'd officially let him pin a corsage on his pin-striped lapel. As recently as last week, House Bro was "just not ready" and "not there right now."

But as of today, Paul and his blue eyes, white teeth, and brunette Ken Doll coif are totes on board with the accomplished misogynist's promposal.

"It's no secret that he and I have our differences," Speaker Bae said coyly. "I won't pretend otherwise. And when I feel the need to, I'll continue to speak my mind. But the reality is, on the issues that make up our agenda, we have more common ground than disagreement."

It's "our agenda" and "common ground" now, you guuuuuuuuys. Reading between those lines, it appears Trump is gonna get luckeee on prom niiiiiiight. BOWM CHICKA BOW WOWM! Yeah dawg! Paul is finally "ready" and "there."

At press time, Paul With the Good Hair was still deciding whether he was gonna rock the pink tie pictured below and/or whether he'd take a limo with the guys or just get a ride from his mom.

Photo: AP

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