Tuesday, February 16, 2016

If I Had Kanye West’s Twitter Game in 12 Tweets (Feat. O.H.M.'s 1000th Blog Post)

One Hot Mess AK @libbybakalar: Mark Zuckerberg I know it’s your bday but can you please call me by 2mrw. You love women, you keep advertising granny panties and KY jelly in my news feed. I am your favorite woman but yet you watch me barely able to fly coach and still expect me to buy lube. 

One Hot Mess AK @libbybakalarMark, I am publicly asking you for help. One of the coolest things you could ever do is help me buy all my airline tickets for the rest of the year and pay off the rest of my student loans.

One Hot Mess AK @libbybakalar: I specifically ordered speckled brown carpet that already looks like dirt with dirt imagery on it so that all this dirt would blend in!!! What do I have to do to get a simple carpet that looks like shit uuuuuuuuugh.

One Hot Mess AK @libbybakalar: You may be hot and you may be a mess, but you’re not ONE HOT MESS.

One Hot Mess AK @libbybakalar: BILL COSBY IS NOT INNOCENT I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS THIS IS “HE SAID/SHE SAID SHE SAID SHE SAID SHE SAID SHE SAIDx50" AND YEAH I SAID IT, WHO YOU GONNA BELIEVE?!

One Hot Mess AK @libbybakalar: I hate when I’m on a flight and I wake up with a kid next to me like oh great now I gotta be responsible for this kid.

One Hot Mess AK @libbybakalar: I open the debate . . . the first three blog posts of One Hot Mess Alaska are the best blog posts of all time . . . meaning . . . OF ALL TIME IN THE HISTORY OF BLOGGING PERIOD!

One Hot Mess AK @libbybakalar: Room service uuuuuuuugh! I hate when I order chicken Caesar salad at the Captain Cook with dressing on the side and no croutons and they forget the no croutons. Crouton crumbs on my Romaine.

One Hot Mess AK @libbybakalar: I'ma let you finish kids except you never let ME THE GREATEST MOM IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD finish anything so no actually I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU FINISH SHIT!

One Hot Mess AK @libbybakalar: Exes can be mad but just know I never let them play with my ass . . . I don't do that . . . I stay away from that area all together. I do however play in the area of their Facebook profiles so I can make sure I'm happier and more attractive than them.

One Hot Mess AK @libbybakalar: Spanx ain't no joke for me . . . Spanx is a way of life .  . creative expression and industry to keep my muffin top on lock.

One Hot Mess AK @libbybakalar: So happy to be finished with my 1000th blog post a.k.a. the best blog post of all time!! Media Takeout: always remember that you dissed THE BLOG THAT CHANGED THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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