Thursday, February 4, 2016

Bad News for Alaska, Good News for Dildo Makers


According to this article in Gawker, a barrel of sexual lubricant (Brand: Passion Natural Water-Based) now costs 28 times more than a barrel of oil. TWENTY-EIGHT TIMES! The former retails at $1,175.82 a barrel on Amazon, and the latter has sunk down to a bleak $31.78. That's not even enough for a five minute lap dance at the Bush Company!

Well, this is bad news for Alaska and great news for dildo makers. But only for now, because it's obviously time for AK to diversify both its energy resource industries and alternative revenue streams for the good of the economy, the planet, and righteous boning sessions worldwide.

And getting into the lube business will kill those three birds with one stone.

Why, before long, we'll have a new pipeline that runs KY from the North Slope (where we will dig for lube reserves) all the way down to the Southern California adult sex toy refineries where dildos are made. And current research shows promise for cars that run exclusively on lube. Plus, lube companies tend to be less aggressive on tax credits than their contemporaries in the oil industry. 

Those who balk at our state's newly legalized marijuana on the ground that it's a shady vice surely will approve of this wholesome new revenue stream!

I'm too excited to keep typing. I need to prepare a PowerPoint presentation on this, stat. Alaska, consider your economic woes SOLVED!


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