Monday, May 8, 2017

Quick Rundown of the Sally Yates Senate Hearing on Russia

ICYMI, here's a quick rundown of today's senate judiciary hearing, (with relevant background) on Russian interference in the 2016 election:


James Clapper: Um . . . No.

Obama: Mike Flynn is shady AF, don't keep him around.

Trump: Hang on, hold this bucket of KFC while I pick up my Galaxy Note 7 to do some witness tampering and "Fake News" propagandizing about today's hearing, m'kay?:

Sean Spicer: Mike Flynn was all Obama's fault! Also, Trump thought Obama was joking about how shady Mike Flynn was.

Lindsey Graham: Russia meddled in the election, not some fat guy in his mom's basement like Trump said that one time.

Ted Cruz:

Also, the travel ban! Because, you know, I'm changing the subject from Russia to Hillary's emails and the travel ban.

Sally Yates: Oh I know you didn't just mansplain con law to ME?! The travel ban was unconstitutional. Read the constitution, you fucking toad.

John Cornyn: I voted to confirm you! So that means you should've supported Trump's travel ban and ignored the constitution.

Sally Yates: Yeah, maybe that dog would hunt at a private law firm. Can't do that at DOJ, sorry. Bee-tee-dubs, Mike Flynn is a treasonous bastard and the White House blatantly DGAF when I told them so.

James Clapper: Dear God, please don't make me talk about Trump's twitter account.

 Chill, bruh. I got this:

All D's on committee: OMG, this shit is so insane!

All R's on committee (except chairman, Lindsey Graham): We DGAF that we have traitors up and down the chain over here. We only care who blew the whistle on them. Also, we have to go now. Our dogs ate our homework.

Trump: Wait wait wait let me update my cover photo on Twitter first: 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand scene!

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