Saturday, July 16, 2016

Juneau Babies are America's Best Hope for Keeping Finnish Babies from Kicking Our Asses

I would be remiss not to follow up yesterday's post about how Finnish babies are making American babies look like a bunch of fuckin' chumps with a post about how Juneau babies are America's last best (and perhaps only) hope for competing with the Finns.

As I lamented yesterday, Finnish babies and their newborn cardboard crib boxes full of government-subsidized onesies are sending ex-fetal Americans' jobs overseas to those commie Chinese babies at a rapid clip. 

However, several attentive local readers here in Juneau pointed out that the Bartlett Regional Hospital Foundation--with the generous financial support of the Juneau community--is already providing similar newborn baby boxes for babies born right here in Juneau! (Pic below).

Both my kids were born at Bartlett, but that was before the Finns started their nefarious arms race of good maternal-infant health policy, and for once Alaska is actively refusing to embarrass itself. 

Sure, Lower 48 babies can make jokes about polar bears, igloos, Sarah Palin, and the fact that Alaska is a federal welfare state/banana republic sponsored by Exxon (once they learn to talk at least).

But do THEY get this Finnish-style baby box adorned with traditional Alaska Native art and images? I DON'T THINK SO. That's right, Finland and the rest of Scandanavia can SUCK a big fat pacifier given to you by your socialist nanny state, and all you Lower-48 babies wish you coulda been born in the 907.

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