Saturday, August 22, 2015

Nothing Says "IDGAF" Like An Adult Eating a Lollipop

An adult eating a lollipop is the ULTIMATE "I don't give a fuck" move. 

Think about it.

Cast your mind back to the last time you saw a grownup eating a lollipop. Think about how calm, cool, and collected they looked. Kind of like smoking a cigarette, but cooler, because they were only giving themselves cavities and not cancer (at least not as quickly and directly), and they were eliciting awe and admiration with their public consumption of a lollipop as opposed to disgust and contempt.

When it comes right down to it, nothing really says "I don't give a fuck" like an adult eating a lollipop. That person has their shit together. They're eating a child's candy in public and they just don't care. They don't have time for your bullshit, or anyone's bullshit for that matter. They are secure, confident, and appropriately indifferent to the world.

Whatever you're saying or doing, they are like stone cold SOLID under pressure with that lolly shoved in their cheek. If you really want to show the world that you don't give a fuck, walk--don't run--to the nearest convenience store and drop $.50 on a Dum-Dum or better yet a Blow-Pop, which then turns into gum, and chewing gum is also super cool looking and lasts even longer than a regular non-gum-filled lolly. 

Smacking your lolly and then your gum while the shit goes down. How cool is that? In a stressful meeting? Fuck it. You have a Blow-Pop. Someone's yelling at you in public, maybe giving you shit over a parking space? No problem! You just take that lollipop stick and twirl it around in your mouth like you don't give a fuck, because guess what? You don't. 

You're an adult eating a lollipop. And you're doing it like a BOSS.

Once in college I was nervous about encountering one of the many assholes that had fucked me over for the zillionth time. I knew I was going to run into him at a party, and I wasn't looking forward to it. I talked it over with one of my roommates, and that's when it hit me: I needed a lollipop, and what do you know, that lolly turned out to be my secret weapon. It was like a full on I-don't-give-a-fuck cloak for the entire night. It was fuck-giving KRYPTONITE.

Yup. No doubt about it. A lollipop is the ultimate cool.

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