Wednesday, July 29, 2015


I'm totally outraged by the new format and template for online expressions of outrage. 

I just wish that people expressing outrage online over some outrageous thing would express as much (or preferably even more) outrage over another outrageous thing that I believe deserves a greater level of outrage. And I am sighing very deeply as I write this.


Because clearly, outrage is a limited and nonrenewable resource. There is so much to be outraged about right now that: (a) we might run out of the emotion; and (b) we must all constantly, publicly, and vocally organize the many things deserving of our collective outrage into some sort of bizarre outrage hierarchy.

See, it's very important that we assign the proper level of outrage to each outrageous thing. There are many, many outrageous things in the world. But they exist in a very clear, strict, established, objective, and mutually exclusive order which we must all spend a great deal of time and energy untangling. 

We also must forcefully convince one another--by any means necessary--that our particular organization of outrage is correct, and that the things we have deemed outrageous should be accorded the exact same level of outrage by others that we ourselves have assigned to that particular thing.

Then and only then can we feel that we showed someone something and taught them an important lesson: The lesson being, "the thing I'm outraged about right now is objectively more outrageous than the thing you are outraged about right now, and I just pointed out this outrage gap to you online in a very smug and clever way that must be tweeted and retweeted and repeated the world over for a minimum of 24 hours."


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