Arguendo charm: instantly makes someone you're arguing with admit you're right and shut the fuck up.
Socio Reducto: removes you from a group text.
Disapparato Gluteus: instantly vaporizes ten pounds from your ass so you can fit into that little black dress . . . without Spanx.
Papyrus Completo!: nails all your annoying paperwork.
Patronus charm: does away with a tequila-based hangover.
Vehiculum Shifti: moves a car a few inches back so you can parallel park in a tight space.
Kimye!: filters out all Kim Kardashian and Kanye West based news from the internet.
R2D2 charm: ensures that the next two Star Wars movies won't suck.
Bankruptus Reverso: immediately wires $5,000 to your checking account.
Alohamora!: extends your Hawaiian vacation by a week at no cost to you.
Silencio Magna Sonus: deafens you to the sound of your child practicing violin.
Phallus Retracto: instantly rescinds an ill-advised one night stand.
Innaugurus!: puts you into a coma until after Election Day 2016.