Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Slightly Misguided Feller in Kansas Wants Ladies to Have a Dress Code Because Why TF Not?

And lest I neglect to mention, this feller happens to be someone who serves the Good People of Kansas in the Kansas State Senate. Also, the ladies happen to be the XX chromosome-bearing peeps who come before his committee to testify.

ICYMI, this irresistible, vaguely serial killerish-looking hunk o' D you luh-luh-luh-ladeeeez see before you is Kansas State Senator Mitch Holmes. Sen. Holmes recently "raised some hackles" among the public and his colleagues with bipartisan vajayjays after he wrote guidelines for the Senate Ethics and Elections Committee directing "ladies" to dress in "professional attire," which in the Good Senator's estimation explicitly excludes "low-cut necklines and miniskirts." 

Kansas state Sen. Mitch Holmes is seen in a photo on his Facebook page.

Despite Sen. Holmes' insistence that the guideline applied equally to both genders, it was conspicuously silent on what men should wear. Since duh, men don't have much choice in the matter. By contrast, ladies testifying on legamaslation can really DISTRACT from the process of legislative sausage-making by planting rapey thoughts in the minds of sausage-bearing legislators, with their perky boobies and buttockulars.

And anyway, the rule has been around for three years. It's only because a Godless, unpatriotic reporter decided to squawk about it now that it's even become an issue: "A particular reporter, one known for not joining in the pledge of allegiance, decided to make an issue of the community rules I use," stated Sen. Holmes in a highly irrelevant and almost comically indignant nonsequitur linking push-up bras to One Nation Under God. 

The Senator does not say so explicitly, but we can only assume this reporter is a hussy, a harlot, and a vixen clad in fishnet stockings, clear Lucite heels, and a silver latex dress bought for 20% off at Frederick's of Hollywood. 

Indeed, if not for Senator Holmes' seminal (pun intended) guidelines, there would probably be a stripper pole instead of a flagpole right in the middle of the Kansas Capitol grounds in Topeka, for crying out loud!

After the aforementioned un-'Murican reporter and a bunch of his or her cranky ho' sympathizers made a stink, Senator Holmes apologized. In so doing, he joins his ignominious predecessors in other state legislatures who have imposed dress codes on female legislators, witnesses, and interns to avoid "distractions," only to be smacked down by the PC Pussy Police and the commie editorial boards of crappy local newspapers.

But here you can see Senator Holmes is deeply entranced by the buxom cleavage of Kansas Senate President Susan Wagle of Wichita. So really, it's no wonder he needed this rule.

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