Sunday, January 3, 2016

How to Be a Respectable 'Murican Terrie

Do you want to BE a terrorist but just not be CALLED a terrorist? Do you want to do the exact same things as every other lunatic terrorist in the rest of the world but somehow enjoy the benefit of the doubt from police and almost noble treatment from the media? 

Well, just follow these simple pro-tips and terrorize your way to being a respectable 'Murican terrie!

1. Speak broken English, just not with a foreign accent.

2. Live in compounds in the woods in the buttfuck middle of nowhere, like basically the American version of a cave in Afghanistan.

3. Have a "mental illness" instead of just being a plain old homicidal maniac.

4. Call yourself a "militia," 'cause that makes you sound real Second Amendment-y and patriotic-like.

5. Be armed to the teeth with semi-automatic rifles and homemade pipe bombs.

6. Vow to overthrow the U.S. Government for not being Founding Fatherish enough.

7. Be a religious fundamentalist.

8. Create and distribute self-important martyrdom videos and manifestos.

9. Pay attention now, 'cause this one's like, really super important: Be white and Christian.


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