Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Melania Trump Has Never Taken a Shit in Her Life and I Wrote a New Song About It

Every bro worth his X-Box and Maxim subscription knows for a fact chicks don't shit. Well, maybe fat chicks do, but definitely NOT hot chicks. So it will not surprise you to learn that Donald Trump claims he's never known his wife to drop a deuce. Ever! Yes, that is the level of presidential discourse to which we have now sunk in this Great Nation. 

And that is is why I've written a new version of Journey's famous rock anthem/ballad "Don't Stop Believing" dedicated to Melania Dump's Trump's superhuman ability to contain her bowels. 

It's called Don't Start Relieving (Yourself, Melania Trump), and it goes a little something like this. Ahem.

Don’t Start Relieving (Yourself, Melania Trump)

Just a Slavic girl
Givin’ Donald Trump a whirl
She takes a private jet almost everywhere
Just an orange boy
Whose hairdo looks like raw bok choy
He takes a private jet almost everywhere

A toilet in a stinky room
The smell of shit and Glade perfume
Something tells me this ain’t right
Reeks like a sewer bomb, a bomb, a bomb, a booooomb

Bowels, moving
Up and down the gastric tract
Intestines searching for relief
Feces, doody
Tryin’ just to find an exit
Hidin’ somewhere out of siiiiiiiight

Eating nothing (save for pills)
This body rocks and pays the bills
Plastic surgery to keep looking nice
For a longer time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to make no pooos
Oh, this campaign never ends
It goes on and on, and on, and on

Don’t start, relieving
Hold on to that feelin’
Come on, Melania
Hot chicks don’t poooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Here Is Everything We Know About Melania Trump's Bowel Movements


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