Monday, February 15, 2016

Corey Feldman's Memoir is EVERYTHING

I don't know that for a fact of course, because I haven't read it, nor do I plan to. But I don't need to read Coreyography to know that Coreyography is going to be the best book since War and Peace. Not since Tori Spelling's True sTori has a petulant, washed-up Hollywood celebrity written a memoir about themselves with a silly pun on their name in the title! 

That's partly redundant, of course, because a memoir by definition is about oneself. But my point is, who has two thumbs and wants to read 286 pages of Tori Spelling and/or Corey Feldman's self-obsessed ramblings (written with the help of a ghost writer and editor)?

Answer: THIS GAL!

I can only begin to imagine the eighth-grade-reading-level secrets revealed between these covers: 

How many cigarettes Corey Feldman smoked while filming Stand by Me; Corey Feldman's troubled relationship with the "other Corey," the esteemed Corey Haim (R.I.P.); Corey Feldman's hobby of playing in a rock band no one could ever stand to go see or hear; what it was like for Corey Feldman to be "friends" with Michael Jackson and then try to look like a cross between the late pop-star, Robert Smith from The Cure, and a foundation-caked, Eastern-European female zombie librarian on the cover of his memoir 30 years later.

There is so much to learn in here. So many questions! Does Corey sometimes sit down and watch License to Drive on VHS? Or maybe the Lost Boys, and start crying a little? Is he sad that no one cares about him anymore? Is he trying to make me hang a pinup poster of him from Tiger Beat magazine on my wall again? Where are his lips?

If the answer to that second to last question is yes, then he's succeeded. Coreyography: my first book club read of 2016! It's gonna be YOOOOGE!


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