Not, like, IN a van. Like, an ACTUAL van.
I know, you'd never guess by looking at him that Michael Henson, 35, was the type of Dayton, Ohio resident who'd be caught by police with his pants down and his dick humping away in the front grill of a red van, much less have the story of his love affair with a Ford Windstar picked up by the international news media.
Yet that's exactly what happened! Now everyone who types in the common Google search, "man arrested for having sex with van" will pull up Mike Henson's super bright-looking mug. You can tell just from the expression on his face that this bro is driving with the lights on (no pun intended).
Once he sobered up and realized what he'd done, Mr. Henson was pretty embarrassed. Through a statement released by his mother, Mr. Henson was repentant.
"I don't know what I was thinking," he said. "I usually go for Cooper Minis and Fiats. Maybe the occasional Mazda Miata. What will all my boys think of me when they find out I slept with a Ford VAN?"