Tuesday, August 16, 2016

The Sound of Children Laughing . . .

Is secretly actually REALLY fucking annoying sometimes. Do you know what I mean? 

I don't mean babies. A baby laughing is always adorable. But not always much beyond that, in my opinion; or at least not all the time. Everyone's always all like, "lalalala, the sound of children's laughter lalalalalalalala fuckin la!," as if kids laughing sounds better than 18 choral symphonies of doves, fairies, and unicorns playing 100 harps at the pearly gates of heaven.

But secretly, kids age 5 and up laughing can be fucking obnoxious beyond belief. Especially when it's in a car, and/or in response to a knock-knock joke (hello?! knock-knock jokes are NOT funny), a stupid riddle, or schoolyard rhyme about poo or pee, or a dumb cartoon.

Basically I turn around and look at my kids, who are laughing like two drunk stoners in a remake of Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke, and roll my eyes/cover my ears as they crack themselves up loudly over stuff that is seriously and objectively not even remotely funny, and I just wanna be like, "SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP."

And I try to explain that the "diarrhea song" isn't funny, and neither are farts or the movie "Bad Moms," to be honest, in case they were wondering. What is funny is the fact that their mother still cares about what people she hasn't seen in literally more than 12 years think about her and her life, and whether they're going to have fun on their upcoming vacation or not. Also, R. Kelly in Real Talk sing-telling his girlfriend over the phone, "Bitch I wish you wouuuuuuld burn all my muthafuckin' cloooooothes!"

But no matter how many times I explain that, they still don't get it. Still, it's better than crying over a .001 inch scrape on their pinky or whining about being forced into a wilderness death march instead of being allowed to play Shark Attack on Mommy's iPhone.

Children's laughter: 9 times out of 10 = Fuck that shit.

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