Thursday, August 18, 2016

This is Totes What I Do When Traveling for Work

Whenever I travel on business, this is how I roll. I flop myself down backwards on a giant king size bed I have all to myself (after I ask housekeeping to defeather the whole room for allergy purposes), kick my legs up triumphantly on the headboard, get out my credit card, put my lap top on my uterus, and start shopping for all the shit that's in the bathroom of this semi-crappy hotel chain!

Marriott, the TGI Fridays of Hotels, lets you buy everything you see in the room because how can you go home and NOT order yourself sandalwood body lotion and a "projection alarm clock?" Nevermind that these mass-produced fragrant cosmetics will give you a side order of cancer and that no one uses an alarm clock anymore because Steve Jobs.

You need all this stuff. But more to the point, you need to buy this stuff while looking like the psychotic lunatic in this picture! She MIGHT be on shrooms, in which case all is forgiven.

I did my best to emulate her experience and document it in the selfie below, but I didn't happen to have any shrooms with me, so I'm not sure I did as good a job as I could have.

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