Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Marty McFly Joins Trump Campaign Team

If you've been paying even the smallest bit of attention to the raging dumpster fire that is rabid orangutan Donald Trump's terrifying (and, God willing, preposterous) bid for the White House, then you'll know his campaign's grasp of recent history is . . . um . . . tenuous at best.

Katrina Pierson, a.k.a. Becky With a D in History, has blamed President Obama for a soldier's death in 2004, four years before the President took office. She has also blamed him for the war in Afghanistan, which began some seven years before the incumbent's tenure. Now, Rudy Giuliani--my hometown's mayor whose entire administration I had the pleasure of living through from beginning to end--has claimed that "before Obama came along, we didn't have any successful radical Islamic terrorist attack inside the U.S."

Except for that historically and unprecedented enormous one that I and millions of other New Yorkers witnessed first hand and died in/almost died in, and that made Giuliani a national household name who could command speaking fees in the zillions of dollars. Yeah. That one.


In response to these chronological gaffes, the Trump campaign has hired on Marty McFly as official "History Czar."

It's hoped that Mr. McFly, who starred in the 1985 blockbuster hit "Back to the Future" will pull up to Trump rallies in his DeLorean on command to correct historical errors as they emerge from the bullshit-holes of Trump surrogates. Wacky mad scientist Christopher Lloyd will serve as backup, placing anyone who asks into his time machine to facilitate real-time historical fact checking.

Although Trump is faltering in the polls, the announcement that Mr. McFly has joined Team Trump already seems to be resuscitating the floundering campaign. Just this morning, an 11 year-old Alex P. Keaton wunderkind in a suit and tie appeared with his mother on CNN to defend the Casino Magnate and Russian oligarch-in-training's use of "a few bad words" on the campaign trail. 

The full impact of Mr. McFly on Mr. Trump's election prospects is not yet known, but at this point one thing is clear: Trump has the Michael J. Fox Stan demographic on lock.

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