Sunday, August 7, 2016

New TGIF Lineup for the Next Phase of My Life!

If you grew up in the 80's and loved TV as much as I did, you watched the TGIF lineup on ABC: Perfect Strangers, Full House, Family Matters, and Step by Step. Two full hours of Dave Coulier and John Stamos-based laugh tracks and Balki Bartokomos saying "Don't be ridicooolus" to his cousin Larry.

Well yesterday, I was fortunate enough to stumble upon a Facebook photo of this NEW Friday lineup of television, which is soooo much more appropriate for the next geriatric phase of my life:

Just look at this! Is there any other way I'd like to spend my night besides watching back-to-back episodes of I Hate My Aching Joints!, Hello, Erections!, Top Chef BBQ Edition, How to Tighten Crepey Skin, Drink Your Greens, and My Hair is Falling Out!?

No. The answer is no. I don't know what "crepey" skin is, but I assume it's skin that looks like a crepe, which nobody wants and which I am now pretty sure I have? In any case, I 100% do NOT want crepe face, and I need to know how to make my face more baguette or ciabatta and less crepe.

I also love the exclamation points on "Hello, Erections!," "I Hate My Aching Joints!" and "My Hair is Falling Out!" I am a firm believer in the judicious use of exclamation points, but all three of those situations are exclamation point worthy!

Back in the day of the original TGIF TV lineup, everything in life deserved an exclamation point. Someone didn't want to be my friend anymore! My dad is super embarrassing! What if I fail the Earth Science midterm!? We need to win this field hockey championship! OR ELSE??!!

Now, aching joints, thinning hair, crepey skin, and erections are the things that I can look forward to as being exclamation point worthy someday. In fact, I'm already there with the aching joints and Belgian waffle face. 

So this begs the question: if this is the TGIF lineup of my 60's, what is the TGIF lineup of my 40's? Answer: Mommy Makeovers! Hello, Ambien! I Hate Being a Feminist Atheist! and Drink Your Gin.

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