"I have a big, BIG naughty list, HUGE. And folks let me tell you: NO ONE on there is getting ANYTHING."
"Mrs. Claus gave a great speach tonight. And yes, speech is now spelled speach."
"The failing NY Times lied when they said I have three chins under my beard. Will they apologize? Doubt it!"
"Every elf in my workshop is going to have a big, beautiful job making toys and is going to WIN WIN WIN!"
"Climate change is a hoax invented by illegal penguins in the South Pole who want our jobs. SAD!"
"I walked past the tooth fairy and was not impressed. She is not a ten, and would not be my first choice, I promise you."
"Prancer is dead!"
"Rudolph is OUT as leader of my sleigh team. Now it's Steve Bannon. Great guy."
"Losing disaster of a network CNN and their falling ratings prove that I do exist after all!"
"We're going to build a big, beautiful wall made of candy canes and Mexico will pay for it!"
"The best Christmas cookies are set out in the lobby of Trump Plaza by Chris Christie."
"I flew down the chimney of every house in America, and I made it into all the other houses too, if you count the ones with electric fireplaces."
"The transition to my new team of reindeer is going very smoothly. Important meetings today with Donner and Blitzen."
"Vixen is a liar. It never happened and was just locker room banter. Lying Washington Post should APOLOGIZE!"
"Every American will have a BIG lump of clean coal this year!"