Wednesday, November 16, 2016

That Juneau Feeling When . . . 10 Awkward Moments Only Juneauites Will Understand

1. Counting the days until the opening of Rainforest Farms and worrying that someone will see you walking into/out of there.

2. Regarding #1 above, knowing everyone is about to find out exactly who in Juneau has seen Friday, Next Friday, AND Friday After Next.

3. Encountering your internet trolls in person and being forced to make pleasant small talk with them.

4. Going to dinner at someone's house, personally knowing several women who smashed that dick, and finding yourself wondering whether it was any good. Then making a mental note to ask all of them individually later.

5. Climbing into the stir-ups at the gynecologist, day-dreaming about how maybe she'll discover a fatal disease in your vagina that will prevent you from having to live through a Trump Presidency, and then remembering that the person who is currently prying apart your undercarriage with a speculum and lubed-up latex while cheerfully narrating every minute of it ("two fingers separating the labia!") is LEGIT another mother from Girl Scouts.  

6. Road raging on someone who cut you off at a red light, making eye contact with them, and then seeing them at your kids' school drop-off and pretending you weren't giving each other the finger ten seconds earlier.

7. Two words: Known Trumpites. (See also: #3).

8. Sitting in first class on the flight to Seattle or Anchorage, watching people walk by, and feeling like you need to clarify to every single one of them that it was a free upgrade.

9. Exchanging compliments on your outfits with another woman, and suddenly realizing you swapped them for each other at a clothes swap last year.

10. Bringing a bottle of $11 wine to someone's house and then remembering they brought the exact same bottle to your house last month and fully know it's a re-gift.


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