Thursday, August 4, 2016

Clint Eastwood Wants You to Get Off His Lawn, Especially if You're a Pussy

ICYMI, Hollywood's most (in)famous Grumpy Old Man is at it again in an interview with Esquire magazine published this week. 

In an apparent coda to his famous 2012 "empty chair" speech to Barack Obama, the legendary 86 year-old silver fox bazillionaire/pretend cowboy--who appears to be cobbled together from leather Coach handbags, rawhide bones, telephone-wire eyebrows an eagle could build a nest in, curdled vanilla Ensure nutrition shakes, and Archie Bunker's old socks--wants you to get off his proverbial lawn. 

In the wide-ranging interview, Clint joins a chorus of cloistered Hollywood celebrities on both sides of the aisle who generally speaking have zero first-hand knowledge (and therefore zero business offering their meaningless opinions) about what's happening in the real world beyond the threshold of their infinity pools in the Hollywood Hills. 

Yet that doesn't stop this human Viagra pill from subjecting us all to his profound social insights, joined by his 30 year-old son Scott whom he helped raise from birth childhood high school. Here are some good, bad, and ugly quotes from the Esquire piece, which I took the liberty of fixing for Squinty McBigot:
  • "For a man, once you've sired your pups, you're done supposed to actively parent those pups just as much as their mother because, um, you're a fucking parent."
  • "[Donald Trump is] onto something, because secretly everybody's  old white guys are getting tired of political correctness, kissing up being called out for being clueless, misogynistic white supremacists. That's the kiss-ass assertive generation we're in right now. We're really in a pussy women-and-minorities-aren't taking-our-shit-sitting-down-anymore generation. Everybody's Old white guys are walking on eggshells scared about losing even one scintilla of their hegemony and dominance over society. We see people  women and minorities accusing people of being racist and all kinds of stuff demanding some level of social and economic parity. When I grew up, those things Jim Crow segregation, quotas for women in schools and workplaces, and Japanese internment camps weren't called racist."
  • "What Trump is onto is he's just saying what's on his mind whatever he thinks will garner him the most attention, regardless of the consequences to society. And sometimes it's not so good it threatens to incite a race war and dissolve a 240 year-old democracy."
  • "Everybody--the press and everybody's going--'Oh, well that's racist.' And they're making a big hoodoo out of it calling it out for what it is. Just fucking get over it keep doing what you're doing until people like me can finally find an ounce of empathy and step out of our bigoted, privileged box by putting ourselves in someone else's shoes for 1.5 seconds. It's a sad time in history for rich, clueless albino dickheads like me.
  • [Hillary Clinton is] a tough voice to listen to for four years. It could be a tough one very upsetting to see and hear a woman in the ultimate global position of leadership; one whose main purpose and goal in life is not to look like Marilyn Monroe and who has the nerve to use her vocal chords to utter words that are not either lines from a script or a sultry "You're so sexy, Clint Eastwood, take me to bed or lose me forever."
  • "I'm the anti-the pussy non-Archie Bunker generation. Not to be confused with pussy women."

1 comment:

  1. Some people have found the face of Jesus in a burnt tortilla, a garlic bagel, a cloud in the sky etc. I found Clint's perfect visage carved in a square shaped flat stone while strolling, eyes cast downward, on the Homer spit beach.

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