“If we brought George Washington here, and we say, ‘This is George Washington,’ the Democrats would vote against him . . . he may have had a bad past. Who knows? I think he may have had a couple of accusations.”
—Donald Trump, POTUS, Seriously. Sept. 26, 2018
1. Visits golf course at Mount Vernon 202/365 days of his first year as President.
2. Declines to serve in Revolutionary War because bone spurs.
3. Martha Washington spotted wearing a frock embossed with the words “I REALLY DON’T CARE DO U?” en route to a slave auction.
4. Says “United SHTATES” during his inaugural address because wooden dentures.
5. Chops down cherry tree. Lies about it.
6. Fails to hire the best people to defuse low-energy conflict between Jefferson and Hamilton (SAD!)
7. Hands actually not as large as reported.
8. Participates in mead-drinking game at the Constitutional Convention; subsequently seen man-handling several ladies.
9. Pays a colonial barrister seventeen shillings to silence a brothel-owner.
10. Was secretly elected with the help of King George.