Friday, September 23, 2016

If You Have Balls, You Need "Scrotox" Today!

Do you have the balls for "Scrotox?" 

An alert reader sent me this article from Glamour magazine, reporting on the latest trend in testicular fashion, and if you have balls, you need to know about it.

Apparently a "ball lift" is a thing, because no man wants his balls dangling down to his knees as he gets older. And it's also a thing, I'm pleased to report, to inject your scrote with a neurotoxin in order to make your sack appear less wrinkly to all who might gaze upon it. That's why you'll see Fox News print headlines like "Clinics See Increase in Men Requesting Botox in Their Scrotums." (Scrota? Scroti? Fox News was never much for Latin). 

Anyway, for the bargain basement price of $3,100 you can pay a doctor (?) to put you under local anesthesia and cram your nads-bag full of poison for extremely valid cosmetic reasons. 

Unless you're in the adult film industry and your scrotum is a tool of the trade, you might question the utility of Scrotox.  All I can say is that if you're skeptical of Scrotox, you've never felt a nice, smooth nut sack treated with a neurotoxic protein produced by the bacterium Clostridium Botulinum and related species

What's a little (potentially fatal botulism) here and there? Not to mention bleeding, pain, redness, swelling, muscle stiffness, fever, cough, sore throat, runny nose, flu symptoms, dizziness, headache, muscle weakness, nausea, diarrhea, difficulty swallowing, shortness of breath, itching, rash, dry mouth, ringing in your ears, anxiety, difficulty urinating, burning and pain on urination, urinary tract infections, respiratory symptoms, and increased sweating in areas other than the underarms?

It's aaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllll worth it for a pair of wrinkle-free stones.

I kind of want someone to start a direct-marketing line of wrinkle creams for balls and ball sacks, because I'm thinking MOST men don't want to stick a needle in their balls, but nor do they want them to be WRINKLED FFS. DISGUSTING! Still, it's nice to know that Scrotox is there as a last resort to solve the sheer humiliation of a shriveled-up cajones hammock.

Finally it's not just women who have to "rejuvenate" their junk. Now dudes have to do it too! 

Huzzah for Scrotox!

1 comment:

  1. I would never think of potentially harming neighboring Homunculi. Balls to that...


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