Saturday, May 2, 2015

Quiz: What Kind of Woman Are You?

This quiz is adapted from a quiz by the same name, and with the same questions, in Cosmopolitan magazine, 7/4/14. The answers will be posted separately, so think carefully and take your time!

How do you feel about your job?

a. You love it! You live to work!
b. It would be better if people stopped telling you to smile more.
c. You wish it paid seven figures.
d. It often makes you want to poke yourself in the face with a hard metal object.

Which of these do you dream of?

a. Having a great career and a happy family.
b. Consuming opioids with impunity and without adverse consequences to your health.
c. Being alone for 24 consecutive hours.
d. Temporarily running very far away.

After you have kids, you...

a. Will always be kind and gentle and put their needs above your own.
b. Will know they hate you, and with good reason.
c. Will know the true meaning of fear and the full extent of your deficiencies as a human being.
d. Will occasionally contemplate a poetic, feminine suicide such as sticking your head in the oven (Sylvia Plath) or drowning yourself with stones in the pockets of your petticoat (Virginia Woolf).

What kind of guy are you looking for?
a. One who loves dogs, sunsets, long walks on the beach, and has a great sense of humor.
b. One who isn't threatened by your vibrator.
c. One named George Clooney.
d. One who is sane and has a pulse.

How do you feel about relationships? 

a. You enjoy being in a relationship, but you also love your independence.
b. They make you shake your fists at the sky and curse your daddy.
c. They tend to have a laxative effect.
d. You wish they didn't feel so necessary.

What do you do in your spare time?

a. Travel, cook, read, knit, do yoga, and go for long runs outside.
b. As many drugs as you can get your hands on.
c. Cry into your pillow.
d. Lie awake in bed wondering how much longer until humanity makes itself go extinct.

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