What's that you say, lowly serf? It's 2015 and royalty is for fairy tales and Disney movies? Shuttest thou mouth and showeth respect for the three millionth baby born on Current Earth in the last five minutes!
To gaze upon her fine newborn visage is to know the true meaning of blue blood beauty and stature. We knoweth not her name, but it likely shall be revealed in the coming days to be Anne, Elizabeth, or Victoria.
Bow down, mortals! And worship at the diaper of THE ROYAL PRINCESS OF CAMBRIDGE! Rejoice, all ye loyal subjects! A thousand doves shall fly and a thousand bells shall ring throughout the land. For today is the day that the heir to the throne of England--where there is incredulously a ridiculous and laughable figurehead tabloid monarchy--has been born unto us.