Monday, January 2, 2017

Making Murderers Out of the Real Hippies of Downtown Juneau and Douglas

You guuyyyyyssssss

According to the most read article in the Alaska Dispatch today, the Discovery channel is back in Alaska searching for "authentic" Alaska-based reality TV that's "more 'Making a Murderer' and less 'Duck Dynasty.'" Well have I got the project for them

I've already proposed Real Housewives of Alaska, which never really got off the ground for some reason, but I promise that Making Murderers Out of the Real Hippies of Downtown Juneau and Douglas will be a ratings BONANZA.

The show will center on a tight-knit group of 30 and 40-something hobby bloggers (COUGH COUGH) and artists who work in state government, environmental science and conservation, forestry, fisheries, midwifery, and the like. Each episode will feature a different situation in which a typically docile downtown Juneau or Douglas hippie is transformed into a metaphorical murderer, or even a literal one. Who knows! This is reality TV! Anything can happen!

Look, I already have the first five pilot episodes all fleshed out:

Episode 1: "Leaf Me Alone!": Two families of downtown Juneau and Douglas hippies challenge one another to a ski pole duel in the icy parking lot over the last electric car plug-in power station at Eaglecrest on a powder day.

Episode 2: "Minted": This episode tracks a foodie and doula who spends an entire morning driving to every grocery store in town looking for fresh mint for a curry recipe, and when she finally gets skunked at Rainbow Foods, weeps in the vitamin aisle over the price of Fenugreek.

Episode 3: "Ski Swap Mayhem": Three dads wait in line all morning and tune each other up over the last available pair of skis and boots that would fit a five year-old girl.

Episode 4: "Rainy Sunday": 15 minutes of static, followed by an adult co-ed intramural hockey game at Treadwell Ice Arena in which several players suffer pulled ligaments and concussions due to overly-aggressive play and trash talking.

Episode 5: "Conscientious Objectors": A small group of parents and children bundled in fleece stand outside on the Capitol steps rallying for education reform while exchanging dagger-eyes with rail belt legislators going out for steak and king crab at the Baranof on Exxon's dime. 

Discovery Channel: CALL ME!

1 comment:

  1. I love it. Sounds like it's time to revive my defunct blog & move back downtown!


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