Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Real Housewives of Alaska

I realized that the cable station Bravo had missed an epic opportunity when I read that it was coming out with two new "Real Housewives" shows, and that neither one was "The Real Housewives of Alaska."

You'd think with Alaska being the hottest thing in reality TV since "The Real World," the producers would know that THIS is the place to expand the Real Housewives franchise!

I can see it now ... but the cast would probably look a little different than prior seasons.

Here's what I'm thinking--and NO--I do not have anyone specific in mind (with one notable exception that will become obvious by the time you reach the end of this post).

But I DO think that in order to be properly representative, the cast at a minimum must include the following general archetypes:

Housewife #1: Someone who wears heels on ice and keeps dropping names of random legislators.

Housewife #2: A man.

Housewife #3: Someone who owns waterfront property (with floatplane dock) near Bristol Bay.

Housewife #4: Commercial fishing royalty.

Housewife #5: Someone with the same last name as a foundation, state/city road, neighborhood, or building.

Housewife #6: Someone with a local organic cosmetics startup.

Housewife #7: A hobby blogger (example pictured, immediately after composing this blog post).

All of the above are also former doulas, current doulas, or wish they weren't scared of vaginas and could be a doula (see Housewife #7).

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