Apparently, I'm NOT WHITE. YAY!!!! Thank God, because if it's one thing 2016 has taught us, it's that white people are YOOOOOGE DICKS.
One in particular--Dr. David Dookie--is like the Lord Voldemort of white dicks and is next level cray, as evidenced by these charming tweets. Here are his 7 horcruxes.
1. Ron Jeremy's foreskin
2. A bagel with a schmear
3. A back issue of Hustler
4. Steve Bannon's second chin
5. A VHS tape of Adam Sandler's "8 Crazy Nights"
6. An inflatable novelty guitar from Seth's Bar Mitvah, 1989
7. A voicemail from your grandmother who you don't even call?! What's the matter with you?!