Monday, December 5, 2016

Things that Rhyme With the "Alt-Right" and are Conceptually Kind of Exactly Like It

The Alt-Bright: Traveling to the sun, burning to a cinder.

The Alt-Sprite: Flat 7-Up.

The Alt-White: Richard Spencer.

The Alt-Kite: A hot air balloon.

The Alt-Blight: Crickets.

The Alt-Tights: Spanx.

The Alt-Night: Morning.

The Alt-Mite: Bedbugs.

The Alt-Crystal Lite: Gatorade.

The Alt-Copyright: Plagiarism.

The Alt-Light: Pitch black darkness.

The Alt-Polite: Screaming "FUCK YOU!" as a salutation.

The Alt-Invite: Telling someone to come to a party out of a sense of obligation when you know they're going to be out of town.

The Alt-Extradite: Deporting people, then realizing you have no one left to water your golf course and re-porting then.

The Alt-Sight: Blindness.

The Alt-Flight: A Rickshaw.

The Alt-Turkish Delight: Gummy Bears.

The Alt-Tripartite: New system of American government where only one person controls everything.

The Alt-Satellite: Please, any other fucking song off that Dave Matthews album.

The Alt-Egg White: Egg Beaters (TM) in a carton.

1 comment:

  1. The only disagreement here is the sparkling ice is the alt crystal light not Gatorade! Gatorade is a very useful elixir for hangovers or other stomach bug.


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