Thursday, April 28, 2016

Oklahoma: A Great Place to Go if You Want to Suck a Dick While You're Unconscious

Great news for the Sooner State you guys! It's about to officially change its nickname to The Sooner-or-Later-You-Can-Have-Your-Dick-Sucked-By-An-Unconscious-Woman State!"

The Guardian reports that an Oklahoma criminal appeals court stunned local prosecutors when it ruled unanimously that state law does NOT criminalize oral sex with a victim who is completely unconscious. The case involved a teenage girl who awoke to a bunch of jizz on her face and body after a night of drinking in which she apparently performed fellatio on another teenager while she was blackout drunk. 

Prosecutors charged the recipient of the beej with forcible oral sodomy, but the court pulled an Amy Winehouse and said NO, NO, NO! Why? Because "forcible sodomy cannot occur where a victim is so intoxicated as to be completely unconscious at the time of the sexual act of oral copulation."

This is seriously good news for the Oklahoma tourism board. There are already so many great things to do in OK, (whose state initials are now officially being changed to "M'kay" in light of the curious conclusion that forcing your dick into an unconscious woman's mouth is totes cool).

I know I know, she shouldn't have been drinking! OBV. Since when a woman gets drunk, she is thereby implicitly consenting to a dick in her mouth. Maybe not even just one. Maybe like, a dozen? Dicks are like donuts that way. They're more delicious in packages of 12. With "custard."

Regardless, there is now one more thing to do in the great state of Oklahoma. Horseback riding, biking, golf, visiting Native American cultural sites, touring farms--and--from the OFFICIAL OKLAHOMA TOURISM site--"CHICK TRIPS!" That "chick trip" you've been planning with your besties? If you take it in Oklahoma, it can include everything from "traditional shopping and spa excursions to unconventional outdoor adventures," and by "unconventional outdoor adventures," they mean SUCKING A DICK WHILE YOU'RE UNCONSCIOUS.

Not to mention the options that abound for "bro trips," in which bros can go on a "pub crawl mouth tour" of local nightlife hot spots, trolling for drunken women on "chick trips" who will soon be unconscious and performing blow jobs that they can't remember.


OOOOOklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping down the plain, and some drunk guy's meat, can sure taste sweet, when your face is buried in his taint!

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