Here's a Mad Libs for anyone who wants to come for me in the comments in the future. (It's also super useful for commenting in the Alaska Dispatch News and the Juneau Empire, so I've taken the liberty of sharing this with the editors/comment moderators of those publications as well).
Using this Mad Libs comment form to abuse/troll people online will be waaaaaaaaaaaaaay easier than writing your own, original zero-chill comment. Plus, it will create some sick, paint-by-numbers-type burns from which the recipient/burnee might never recover, stun them into silence with the dope mic-drop (#TrollLifeGoals?), and generally be a lot more fun for all of us!
Wow! You're a real ____(epithet)_____, you know that? I've lived in Alaska for__(number over 20)____ years, and worked on the _____(name of large-scale industrial infrastructure project)___, so I know all about __(noun)____. Why don't you go ___(verb)_______ yourself? You think you're real ___(adjective)____, but your [sic.] just another ___(adjective)______, (misspelled part of female anatomy)__! How about you just go back to__(place other than Alaska)____ and shut the __(expletive)___ up and leave us alone, if you don't ____(verb)_____ it! You probably work for ___(name of government agency or nonprofit)______, so of COURSE you and your fellow ___(adjective)___ (category of people)_________ would say that about __(noun)______. You seem to have a lot of ____(noun)___ on your hands, probably getting all kinds of __(noun)_____ from the government. Also, please refrain from _____(verb ending in -ing)_________. My ___(plural noun)________ read this!
[BOOM! Mic. Dropped.]