Saturday, April 21, 2018

The 4/20 Haggadah: The Four Questions and the 10 Plagues of NoCal


How is this night different from all other nights?

1. On all other nights, we smoke dirt weed and drink Miller Lites. Why on this night, the Chronic?

When we were in Tompkins Square Park trying to score a nickel bag in high school, it was often just oregano. We smoke Chronic to celebrate the fact that weed is now decriminalized in many states and we are grownups with jobs who can afford the good shit.

2.  On all other nights, we make a nominal pass at healthy eating. Why on this night do we microwave a 16 oz tube of Nestle Toll House Cookie Dough and dump a half gallon of vanilla ice cream on top of it and call it dinner?

The active ingredient in da tchrees fa ya mahnd--tetrahydrocannabinol--or THC, activates the endocannabinoid system, a complex area of the brain that regulates appetite. THC interacts with our smell and taste receptors, promoting the release of the hormone ghrelin, an appetite stimulant.

3. On all other nights, we pass the Dutchie to the right-hand side. Why on this night do we pass the Dutchie to the left-hand side?

We honor the 1982 Stoners' Anthem, Pass the Dutchie, by the dance-hall Reggae band Musical Youth, and they always pass the Dutchie to the left in that song.

4. On all other nights, we eat sitting upright, or maybe even standing at the kitchen counter if we're in a rush to drive a kid to dance practice, for example. Why on this night do we eat half-passed out on the couch listening to '77 Dead?

Sorry . . . what was the question again?


1. Tinfoil bowls
2. Dead lighters
3. Bong water on the carpet
4. Cops
5. Mom finding stash
6. Josh from your old shift at Blockbuster who can NEVER handle his shit, for some reason
7. Roommate smoked all your dankest nugs
8. Mold infestation or mites in your dope grow
9. Seeds and stems
10. Harshing of the first mellow (see Plague #6)

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