Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Buying Yourself a Giant Skyscraper With Public Money Is Actually Not That Luxurious, You Guys

The Alaska Legislature is poised to buy itself a giant skyscraper in Anchorage to the tune of $32M, at a time when the State is so broke that even the glaciers are moving away. But take heart Alaska--because you guys, it's actually a great deal! Here's how one legislator defended the controversial purchase to the Alaska Dispatch:
In the long term, it may be a really good deal because we’d own the assets. It’s not that luxurious. I mean, a lot of people have automatic trash cans in their homes, you know? Just put batteries in it.


I mean, I don’t exactly know where to start with this, but I think it's best simply to deconstruct this statement to try to figure out its meaning. Like, what does it really mean for the public?

(a) It’s not that luxurious to buy yourself a skyscraper.
(b) It’s not that luxurious to buy yourself a skyscraper just because it comes with automatic trash cans.
(c) Batteries are not a luxury.
(d) $32M that could go to music, art, and parent-teacher conferences in my kids' school--ALL of which have been cut in recent years--is instead being spent on automatic trash cans in a legislator's off-season office.
(e) Lots of people have automatic trash cans so that means we should buy some with public money.
(f) Automatic trash cans are a great deal for Alaska and everyone should get one instead of their PFD this year.
(g) "Just put batteries in it?" Bowm chicka bow wow. . . that's what she said!
(h) A giant skyscraper is less luxurious than the bloated, luxurious salaries of government workers.
(i) A giant skyscraper (approximately 100 feet) is exactly the "right size" of government.
(j) All of the above.

I'm gonna have to go with all of the above here. I mean, lots of people have flat screen TVs and Weber Kettle grills in their homes, but that doesn't mean the Legislature should buy itself 60 flat screen TVs and Weber Kettle grills.

Then again, TVs run on electricity and grills run on charcoal and propane, so it's all good.


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