Sunday, July 22, 2018

Isaac Thinks a Public Park Bathroom in NYC is a Temple and He Is Not Wrong

My #AlaskaKid didn't know how right he was when he asked me to watch him scooter all around "this temple" without stopping. The "temple" to which he was referring was not a house of worship, but rather a public bathroom in a New York City playground a block from my parents' house.

And actually, Isaac wasn't entirely wrong to call this a temple, because as everyone knows, a reasonably clean, safe, public bathroom in the City of New York is a rare sanctuary, and here are its ten commandments: 

1. Thou shalt not bypass a free, clean, safe public restroom in New York City lest it be the last opportunity you have to relieve yourself for many, MANY hours without having to disgorge money from your person.

2. Thou shalt be leery of public bathrooms in Penn Station AND the Port Authority Bus Terminal. AND THE PORT AUTHORITY. Did I mention the Port Authority?

3. Thou shalt be leery of public bathrooms in Grand Central Station.

4. Thou shalt be leery of public bathrooms in City playgrounds.

5. Thou shalt check immediate surroundings for used needles and other biohazard detritus.

6. Thou shalt not wait at Starbucks for more than ten minutes, because you don't want to go in there next after that long, take it from me.

7. Ditto McDonalds.

8. Thou shalt not reveal the locations of the Best Bathrooms in the City.

9. Okay fine, they are usually in a hotel lobby.

10. Also Heckscher Playground at Columbus Circle is not horrible.

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