Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Trump on Romaine Lettuce: A Disaster!

Some Romaine lettuce is OK to eat, OK? Or at least according to the Failing Fake News Media it is. Many people are saying this. I can’t tell you who, but many, MANY important people—terrific, absolutely terrific scientists—have called my office to tell me this. Even low-energy, low-ratings Fake News CNN reported these facts, by the way. I have a natural instinct for science, so I know.

The worst Romaine is from California. It’s the worst there, because California is a DISASTER. Everyone knows that. Look at what happened with the poor management of the gardens and farms in California. If the California farmers gardened like Norway, this wouldn’t have happened. I was golfing with the King of Norway last week, and he told me himself that their Romaine is clean because they scrape it with tiny little rakes that collect the germs.

The U.S. could do the same thing. We could have the cleanest lettuce. But Little Adam Schitt and Goofy Nancy Pelosi want you to sit on a toilet for 7 hours a day and bleed through your colon before they’d ever roll back their job-killing, germ-spreading regulations!

They’re saying lettuce from other parts of the U.S. and Mexico is safe to eat. That I can’t tell you. But I CAN tell you that Mexico is NOT sending its best lettuce. They’re sending Romaine full of E.Coli. They’re sending diseases. And some, I assume, is perfectly fine iceberg that tastes delicious shredded as a garnish in a Trump Grill Taco Bowl.

But we can’t be too careful. Lettuce is a very dangerous vegetable, and California has been a sanctuary state for lettuce for far too long. Maybe if the 17 Angry Democrats and Highly Conflicted Bob Mueller spent less time on the Phony Witch Hunt Collusion Hoax and more time getting to the bottom of this Very Dangerous Lettuce Situation, America could have great salad again.

I appreciate the congrats of the American people about my strong action against bacteria known to have infiltrated our borders. We may never know how many of them are here killing our jobs and our micro-biota. It’s horrible, absolutely terrible. It’s vicious and horribly unfair how long California has allowed this TREMENDOUS VEGETABLE DISASTER to continue within its borders. NOT NICE. Tell Congress to FUND THE TRELLIS NOW!

Listen to local authorities and avoid all forms of romaine lettuce, including romaine heads, hearts, and salad mixes. Rome was a very important empire and look how easily it fell. Caesar and Caligula were both terrific guys who we keep hearing more and more about and who had excellent ratings and still, look at what happened there. When is the so-called and Very Biased Centers for “Disease Control” going to actually control this disaster?

Something has to be done. Romaine is a very dangerous lettuce! Iceberg First! GET SMART, people. Make Salad Great Again!

By the way will be interviewed tonight about the Lettuce Crisis on @Foxandfriends. ENJOY!

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