Tuesday, August 21, 2018

Working Cover Story Ideas for My Personal Lifestyle Magazine

How to Make Your Skin Look So Dewy a Brown Recluse Spider Will Think It’s Freshly-Mowed Grass at Dawn and Build a Cobweb across the Bridge of Your Nose

11 Direct Marketing Anti-Aging Snake Oils to Order through That Girl from Your Freshman Dorm at College Who Found You on Facebook Somehow

Things to Scream at Your Children When They are Cold-Cocking Each Other in the Face Instead of “DON’T MAKE ME READ SIBLINGS WITHOUT RIVALRY”

How to Gracefully Exit a Group Text Without Anyone Being the Wiser

15 Vitamin Supplements You Didn’t Cut in Half Before They Got Stuck in Your Throat for the Whole Morning

Life Hack: Save Time and Money by Eating Popcorn that Fell Between the Couch Cushions Last Weekend, and Also a Few Skittles if It's Your Lucky Day

The Best Lash Serums to Make Your Eyelashes So Long You will Trip over them on the Way to Yoga and Shatter Both Kneecaps.

Getting a Restorative Night’s Sleep While Also Eating Chocolate-Covered Almonds in Bed and Glancing at Trump's Twitter Feed Every Time You Get Up to Pee Which is Seven Times a Night

Great Summer Beach Reads to Burn in a Bonfire 131 Pages in Because How Bad is This Fucking Book and How Was it Even Published

14 Thirty Second Exercises To Turn Each of Your Butt Cheeks Into a Fully Inflated Soccer Ball in Under Six Weeks

How to Talk So Kids Will Shut the Fuck Up and Never Question Your Authority Again

Ways to Calm Your Children’s Anxiety Besides Whispering the Latest Car Accident Fatalities, Social Injustices, and Climate Change Statistics into Their Ears Late at Night When Their Brains are the Most Abosrbent

Fitting in Extra “Me Time” by Masturbating Furiously While Your Family is Out Grocery Shopping, Just Because You Can

Fresh, Fun, Kid-Friendly Ways to Prepare Vegetables for the Compost Bucket

How to Spice Up Your Sex Life by Suggesting He Coat His Peen in a Smoked Chipotle Dry Rub

Weekday Go-To Dinners: Annie’s Shells in White Cheddar or the Orange Ones?: You Decide!

How to Give Your Girls Some Extra Lift with Nothing But This Pushup-Bra from Victoria's Secret, Clothespins, Binder Clips, Elective Surgery, Silicone, Opioid Painkillers, and $10,000

17 Flirty Lip Glosses That Will Make Your Lips so Shiny Your Bae Will Burn His Retinas Just Looking at Them

Fierce Fall Looks that Will Have People Mistaking You for a Rabid Mountain Lion

These Pee-Proof Mom Jeans with Will Have People Wondering if You're Being Ironic 

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