Sunday, June 10, 2018

The Planet Earth Series Finale is Gonna Be Lit AF, Y'all!

And I don’t mean the BBC Planet Earth nature show with all the breaching dolphins and coral reefs and prancing antelopes and shit narrated by David Attenborough. I mean the *actual* planet earth. 

As in, the one we live on.

It’s gonna be lit AF, and I’m inviting all my friends over for a nuclear holocaust/apocalypse watching party, June 12 at 8:00 p.m. CST on the Trump Channel, aka the  same channel we've all been watching all day, every day since mid-2015.

Seriously the series finale is going to be SO DOPE. COME ON OVER. We'll have popcorn, beer, soft drinks (for the kids), wings, nachos, and guac. My big screen TV and all my computers and smart phone/tablet-devices will be live-tweeting and live-blogging the end of the world, at least as long as we still have a Wi-Fi signal and eyeballs that aren't irradiated into liquid courtesy of the mushroom cloud.

Everyone's gonna be glued to the action as two megalomaniacal doughy man-babies square up in Asia to determine whose country can blow whose to smithereens faster like a real-life version of Dr. Seuss's Butter Battle Book, and then demand a Nobel Peace Prize for the winner.

The past two seasons have been really tumultuous and exciting. Characters getting written off the show left and right: like in season one with Reince Priebus, Steve Bannon and the Hope Hicks/Rob Cohen romance. And then there was the Manafort indictment and Michael Cohen-thing as part of the Mueller investigation story arc. 

And the season two B-plot with Neo-Nazis and NFL protests, and then Melania going missing for awhile, and the C-plot about women in pink pussy hats complaining about health care for their vaginas and Kim Kardashian doing prison reform, and scientists making the usual dire warnings about global warming that no one’s heeding.


And now here we are at the series finale, although it's hard to say for sure because America might still renew Planet Earth for another season. No one knows for sure yet. Negotiations are still ongoing at the Network, or so goes the rumor. Dennis Rodman might make a cameo--wouldn't that be INSANE? No one's seen him since he almost married Madonna in the 90s! And now--SURPRISE--he's like, supes BFF'd with Kim Jong-Un so he might actually turn out to be a critical character on the show. The writers just keep us guessing every episode.

What's gonna happen? Will our kids live to see adulthood? WHO KNOWS!?!?!? Tune in June 12 to find out.

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