Void: Hiiiiii. WYD?
Me: New phone who dis?
Void: LMAO. WAIT. Did you just srsly “new phone who dis” me?!
Me: C’mon don’t play games. iOS upgrade ate all my contacts.
Void: It’s THE VOID.
Me: Ugh. You again?
Void: I know. Haven’t hit you up in awhile. Since the Grand Canyon, I think. Miss you, babe...
Me: What do you want?
Void: I want you to do something incredibly stupid. What else?
Me: Too late I already did like, ten incredibly stupid things today.
Void: Oh yeah? Like what?
Me: I'm not doing this with you.
Void: C'mon baaaabe.
Me: Like forgetting I drove to work and starting to walk home and taking Aleve without water.
Void: No, not like that. I mean, like jumping off the 8th floor of the State Office Building, just to like, see what happens.
Me: No effing way. I’m scared of heights. You know that.
Void: I’ve been trying to convince you otherwise since you lived in your parent’s 9th floor apartment building in the Bronx.
Me: Ugh I know. 'Member that time I legit almost DID fall out the window? Also that whole Eric Clapton’s kid thing was crazy.
Void: I didn’t have anything to do with that.
Me: Not saying you did.
Void: So . . .
Me: Dude I’m tired, I need to go to bed. Srsly WTF do you want RN?
Void: I’m just calling on you to like, expand your horizons.
Me: What are you suggesting?
Void: I already said.
Void: I want you to do something incredibly stupid.
Me: Like what?
Void: Like come to work naked or start crawling over everyone in the audience of a movie theater or airplane.
Me: How about starting a blog where I tell everyone (including my dad) all about my pubes and booty eating and mental health strugggles and how much I hate myself and risk my career to make sure the whole world knows that Donald Trump is an epic shitlord?
Void: Yaaaas Queen! Now we’re talking.