Saturday, June 3, 2017

Trump is the Alaska Avocado of Presidents

If you live in Alaska, you already know. Donald Trump is the Alaska avocado of presidents. For those who've never bought, eaten, or tried to buy or eat an avocado in Alaska, let me explain the many parallels.

An avocado is healthy and beneficial--in theory. And so too is a competent, qualified, U.S. president. 

Lincoln, Kennedy, FDR---although the American citizens who were served these statesman on their civic Cobb salads are long gone, history proved these men made fresh leadership guacamole, and the shoppers who chose them chose wisely from a farmer's market in Hawaii.

Not so with Trump. Trump was always a GMO, Alaska avocado from the very bottom of the produce section at Carrs, and deep down, everyone knew it. 

He was never meant to be here. He was out of his element. He was engineered in a controlled environment and transported to a climate that rendered him totally unsuited to the formidable task before him. He didn't belong in guac, or on toast or a smoothie. Sure he was white enough for avocado toast and smoothies, but he was always destined to go straight to rot.

Voters knew this when they chose him. And the plurality of voters knew to leave him right on the nasty ass pile for some other sucker to take home. They picked him up, turned him over, and were instantly repelled. They knew they'd be better off changing their recipe plans to something that didn't call for avocado. But they lost to the people who insisted on eating a tasteless, underripe, and now plain rotten avocado for lunch.

Sadly, unlike the people who are smart enough to walk away from an Alaska avocado, ALL of us are forced to suffer the poisonous consequences of eating the Trump presidency, whether we meant to or not.

And as all of us Alaska avocado eaters know all too well, it's not very tasty.

1 comment:

  1. Like our Orange Leader, what can you expect for two bucks a pop? Something that resembles what we have at least once enjoyed in its fullness?


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