Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Everything I Now Know About Taylor Swift Could Fill a Very Thin Level 3 Early Readers Book

Paige made good on her threat and brought home "When I Grow Up: Taylor Swift," and now everything I know about Taylor Swift could fill a very thin 40 or so pages Stage 3 Early Readers book from Scholastic.

Oh, the stories I could tell you! 

From her humble beginnings as a five-year-old in a talent show with nothing but a demo tape and a dream, to her first headlining arena tour with Tim McGraw, to the four multiplatinum studio albums she has released, T. Swizzle's (clearly very much authorized) biography is a searing, penetrating portrait of an extremely fortunate, conventionally beautiful, nicer than apple pie, and surprisingly legitimately talented country/pop crossover sensation.

I could tell you how one record company didn't want to let her write her own songs so she was like fuck off, except she didn't actually say the words "fuck off" because she doesn't curse and also the target demographic of this book is second-grade girls. I could tell you how a bunch of girls in the sixth grade wouldn't let her sit at their lunch table and it inspired an entire album. I could tell you how she turns to music every time a boy breaks her heart or In Touch magazine is mean to her. I could tell you how her entire family moved to Nashville to support her career and she still managed to graduate from high school with awesome grades.

I could tell you all of that, because I know all of that, because I have read--or rather HAD read slowly and laboriously TO me--"Taylor Swift: When I Grow Up." Believe it or not, there is yet ANOTHER kiddie biography of Taylor Swift, called "Taylor Swift: The Story of Me."


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