Thursday, November 5, 2015

"BroBible" is a Website Just for Bros and It's Both Awesomely Depressing and Depressingly Awesome

So this is kind of amazing, in an anthropological sort of a way.

During O.H.M's September "coverage" of the whole Waking Life Espresso/red pill/pick up culture scandal, I stumbled upon a website called "BroBible" and started following it on Twitter. 

Like O.H.M., BroBible had also covered the story about the two misogynistic coffee shop owners from Asheville, NC who were blogging, podcasting, and bragging about rape and sexual assault while using their shop as a hunting ground for sexual predation on vulnerable women. 

BroBible's take on the whole thing--which I don't entirely disagree with--was as follows:
It’s not that you posted intimate details; blog all you want about sex. It’s that you were a shit bag. Always remember, Bros. It’s okay to be a Bro. Do Bro things. Just don’t be gaily blogging and p casting about sexual assault. It’s a very easy thing not to do.
I'm gonna give BroBible the benefit of the doubt on this one and assume they only condone anonymously blogged "intimate details" about sex, and that they are using the word "gaily" in its old-fashioned, dictionary-definition sense to mean 'in a cheerful or lighthearted way." Also, thumbs up for being anti-sexual assault, or at least anti-blogging and "p-casting" about it.

To give you a bird's eye view of the content on BroBible, here are the tabbed categories of topics on BroBible: Home, Life, Girls, Sports, College, Music, Entertainment, something called "Brotips" and something else called "Guyism." 

As far as I can tell, the target demo for this website is 18-30 year-old white, self-identified-as-hetero frat boys or ex-frat boys. There are lots of pictures of pinup models and celebrities in bikinis and stuff about football. There are also pithy and profound "bro tips." 

Here are 10 examples of the "tips" under the "Brotips" tab--which is by FAR the best BroBible tab of them all:
  • Brotip #4175: "Just because your dick says 'yes' doesn't mean it's a good idea."
  • Brotip #4176: "The biggest thing a girl wants from you is for you to listen to her. It's cheap and all you have to do is sit there."
  • Brotip #4173: "It's not a woman's screaming that you should be afraid of, it's her silence."
  • Brotip #4167: "Only drink on days ending in Y."
  • Brotip #4158: "If your girl is acting cranky, never ask her if she's on her period. You will get murdered."
  • Brotip #4155: "Never judge a porn by its thumbnail."
  • Brotip #4141: "Bros don't let bros use beer goggles."
  • Brotip #4139: "True friends aren't the ones who end up in jail with you, they're the ones waiting for you when you get out."
  • Brotip #4140: "If your girlfriend doesn't know what to get for dinner, suggest Thai food. Ladies always want Thai food when pizza is out of the question."
  • Brotip #4037: "In order to be a ladies man, it's imperative that people don't know you're a ladies man."
There are TONS more, and to be fair, many of them are sort of sweet, quaint little obvious chestnuts of advice about trying hard to be nice and humble and respectful. All of which is clearly an ENORMOUS challenge and not remotely second nature for the average visitor to this website--who in addition to liking pizza, Jagermeister, football, and hot sauce a lot-- seems to view girls and women as some sort of extra-terrestrial alien species rather than fellow members of the human race.

I highly encourage you to spend some time down the rabbit hole that is BroBible. It's seriously the kind of website that makes me worry about the fact that I'm raising a son. (He's five years old and already called the musical "Sweeney Todd" "Todd's Weiner," but on the other hand he is grossed out by kissing, so maybe it all cancels out).

In any event, BroBible is forevermore my go-to interwebs destination for a hearty laugh over things like this "hilariously spot on graph of what a guy wants in a girl." 

(Spoiler alert: The answer is "my dick").


  1. I wrote that article on BroBible (the coffee shop)! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing

    1. Ha! AWESOME! Though as you can see I've got mixed feelings about the
      Whole BroBible mentality. šŸ˜œ


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