Friday, April 3, 2015

Fly On the Wall

I would have LOVED to be a fly on the wall at the Sweet Tarts Company meeting where the name of this chewy version of Sweet Tarts was changed from the highly questionable "Shockers" to the more neutral "Chewy Sours." I bet it went something like this:

Marketing Guy: Uh, I think we have a problem with the Shockers candy.
CEO: (while opening a package of Shockers) Oh yeah, what's that?
Marketing Guy: Well, my teenage son just told me something interesting ...
CEO: (through mouthful of Shockers) Yeah, what?
Marketing Guy: Well . . . I don't think that term means what we all thought it means.
CEO: (still chewing Shockers): Why? What does it mean?
Marketing Guy: Well . . . how do I put this . . . according to Urban Dictionary, the "shocker" is "an act of sexual gratification that consists of inserting two fingers (normally the index and middle fingers) into the vaginal opening and one into the anus."
CEO: (stops chewing): Oh my God. I think I've heard of this. But I thought it was called "two in the pink and one in the stink" or "going to town with one in the brown?" Shit. We have to change the name right away. What should we change it to?
Marketing Guy: I was thinking, "Chewy Sours."
CEO: No, not catchy enough. How about "Squirters?"
Marketing Guy: I don't think that really solves the problem.
CEO: "Jizzers?"
Marketing Guy: No, I really think "Chewy Sours" is better. 

CEO: But how will fans of Shockers know it's the same candy?
Marketing Guy: We'll just write "formerly Shockers" on the label.
CEO: Done!

Because clearly, re-naming "Shockers" (obviously due to the fact that a "shocker" is a sex move and not a candy) by putting "Formerly Shockers" on the wrapper totally does NOT draw any attention to the company's reason for making the change. I think it would've been better to risk confusing a few customers or else just stick with "Shockers."


  1. literally just laughed right out loud and couldn't tell my kids why--thanks for that!!


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