Friday, March 13, 2015

Where in the World is Vladimir Putin? (Spoiler Alert: Juneau!)

So Vladimir Putin hasn't been seen in weeks, and all the world is abuzz with where he could be. But it's pretty obvious that people aren't looking in the right place. Hello! He's in Juneau! See prior post titled This Can't Be Missed! and accompanying photographic evidence that Vladimir Putin is--indeed--"Coming to Juneau.":



Someone needs to check Putin's calendar. See? He's right there between Pope Francis and Barack Obama and two dudes from the Middle East. He's coming here to set off some fireworks during a seminar on Islam & Christianity in Bible Prophecy, also featuring some stuff about 9/11 being part of the end times and something about the "Antichrist Beast," during which there is free childcare. 

This is convenient, because as I note in the post below, my children do in fact appear to be possessed by demonic forces.

Anyway, as we speak, Vlad is probably drinking vodka in a first class car on the Siberian Railroad, headed toward that island in the Chukchi Sea that you can see from Sarah Palin's woodshed. 

The rest of the world isn't paying attention, obviously. Somewhere between his gigs as a Russian Playgirl pinup model and a psychotic kleptocrat, Putin booked a gig 3 miles off Glacier Highway.

Mystery solved!

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