Wednesday, March 25, 2015

What's the Ask?

I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure it’s big. Like a really, really big ask. Before we go into this meeting with corporate, we need to know the answer to this critical question: What’s the ask? And who’s going to be doing the asking? 

At least as to this second question, the answer is no one, because ask is no longer a verb. Well, OK, it’s still a verb sometimes. But not here! Here, it’s just a noun. And that’s how we’ll be using it from noun. I mean, from now on.

What? Didn’t you hear? Or, should I say, didn't you "get the hear?" No more using ask as a verb. Only use it as a noun. It was in the same memo from H.R. that said we should all wear green for St. Patty’s Day and everyone who's got leftovers in the fridge needs to retrieve them by 3:00 p.m. or they’ll be thrown away.

But I digress.

Back to this meeting with corporate. See, last time, the ask was pretty big, and I’m not sure we can realistically make that big of an ask right now. Last time, the ask was almost as big as an 18-wheeler truck, and it was kinda awkward. Actually, I’d say the ask was as big as an African elephant. This time, the ask is at least as big as The Freedom Tower, and maybe even as big as a nebula, which ICYMI, is an interstellar cloud of cosmic dust, hydrogen, helium, and other ionized gases in outer space. Also, ICYMI, ICYMI stands for “In Case You Missed It.”

And ICYMI, ask is now a noun, not a verb, lest anyone be called boring, or be forced to take responsibility for an action. We basically need to sound hip at all times and divorce all action from its actors so as to neuter the action and make everyone feel like the action is just like this nebulous blob, floating around out there in the atmosphere, like a nebula. 

In fact, I guess nebula and nebulous are two words that derive from the same concept! But you’ll note that neither is a verb, and that’s the important thing. Verbs must be avoided at all costs. Especially when you’re asking for something. Whoops, I mean, making the ask.

Which brings me back to the matter at hand: what's the ask? See, I still don't know. We need a solve for this problem. Let's talk to creative, and see if they can come up with the create before 10:00 a.m.

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